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Hilary Clinton Pizza

hiliary clinton pizza logo

She can’t even win the loyalty of her own husband, let alone the American public, but wannabe US Presidentess Hilary Clinton can find solace in the fact that a pizza is has been made to help her campaign. The Neo-con supported Democrat candidate and heiress of the global military -industrial complex must be thrilled that a small pizza shop in Dunmore called Two Brothers Restaurant and Pizzeria has honoured her in this way.

Following in the mighty footsteps of rival candidate Donald Trump, whose pizza we wrote about over a month ago, Hiliary Clinton has copied the Donald as best she can. Rather than making the spicy buffalo-chicken pizza in the shape of her face, the pizza makers wisely decided it would be more appetising to make it in the image of her logo…a logo which resembles the twin towers with an arrow representing the horrific and tragic plane crash.

Take a look at the pizza below and you can almost hear the anguished screams of the terror victims…

hillary clinton pizza

Or perhaps those are the victims of Libya…the Benghazi scandal? In this sense the tomato represents the blood of the dead ambassador and the cheese covering up the sauce represents the Obama administration’s attempts at concealing the terror attack. The speckled flecks of green celery probably represent all the greenbacks Hilary has received from special interest groups intent in placing her in the position of supreme power so she can continue their plans to bomb an assortment of Middle Eastern nations.

Mmmmmm. Looks delicious.

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Frenchman is Pizza World Cup Winner 2016

pizza world cup

 

French people are notorious for being good at cooking stuff. The Italians were defeated by Napoleon and must always live in the culinary shadow of their Gallic neighbours….but at least they have pizza. Sorry Italians, not anymore! A Frenchman has taken the 2016 Pizza World Cup in Italy after he cooked a bouillabaisse pizza.
The 25th annual competition was held in Parma, Italy last weekend. Despite Italians being typically conservative when it comes to national dishes, the prize went to Frenchman Ludovic Bicchierai’s un-traditional bouillabaisse topped pizza. Thinking about it, Bicchierai sounds more like an Italian name than a French name, and Ludovic is a German name. Maybe this confused the judges. Bicchierai was awarded with a pizza gong and 1,000 kilograms of free flour – every chef’s dream come true.

“This is the second time I’ve taken part in the competition, but this year I thought I’d use the traditional French fish soup as my inspiration,” Bicchierai told French news site The Local.

In case you don’t know, bouillabaisse is a really rich fishy soup made from fish stock, (boiled fish bones and crustacean shells) as well as tomatoes, herbs and bits of sea animals. The bouillabaisse pizza was topped with tomatoes, bream carpaccio, mozzarella, courgette flowers, prawns, and Tabasco sauce. That actually sounds bloody delicious. A great mix of French and Italian tradition. I wonder if Italians are butthurt about it though?

Technically it is French but it doesn’t seem that crazy for a pizza. Like an Italian chef could have made this and called it a neptuno or whatever. This seems classy and tasteful compared to the weird kind of pizzas other people have made. Pizza Hut put hot dogs in their stuffed crust and check out the weird things Brazil are doing with pizzas in this blog post.

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Polar Bear Attacks Pizza Boy

polar bear pizza boy

Pizza delivery drivers have to endure all kinds of bad weather and lousy tips just to bring us our hot pizza in the evening. But one Canadian pizza boy nearly met a grizzly end when he encountered a polar bear. The pizza delivery driver in question was right out in the sticks in Northern Canada and had to drive out to an old lady who lived in a secluded area. His full story was posted on Reddit.

 

Several months ago, I wanna say December, I was working a close shift (10pm-5am) and my delivery sector was mostly the outskirts of town along the foothills and further north. Being December in Canada, there was about 6 inches of fresh snow and only the highways and artery roads were plowed properly. Driving the rest of the roads would be a death-wish if you didn’t have the proper gear and experience. Lucky for me, I have an AWD car, studded tires, and chains incase things go really south, and am one of the more senior drivers. Being one of the few people with an AWD car, I was requested to take another delivery right to the edge of our delivery range, roughly 45km from the store. Since the weather was so shitty, I called the number on my slip to confirm an address and that they still wanted the pizza. Getting the OK from what seemed like a cheery old lady, I set out down the highway. (not before stopping for my coffee of course!)

The driver began his journey only to learn that a power cut had plunged the rural roads in darkness. Nevertheless he boldly proceeded down the snowy winter track….

About 10km down what I can only assume was a dirt road underneath the mountains of snow in the middle of nowhere, I came across a car in the middle of the road with its hazards on. The car was diagonal across the road, and from its tracks I could tell it tried to stop suddenly and lost control. Throwing my hazards on and getting on, I attempted to survey the scene. Moving about 20m from the car, I could not see any signs of life, and noticed that the driver’s side door was swung open and snow was piling inside the car. What alarmed me the most was what looked like blood on the inside of the window and all over the steering wheel. Upon clearing the snow from inside the car, it was obvious that there was a pretty brutal accident here, as there was blood all over the driver’s side. My mediocre first aid training kicking in, my first response was to call 911 and get an ambulance out here. Pulling out my cellphone, the most cliche thing happened to me: there was no fucking cell service.

After having my little meltdown, I decided to see if I could see any tracks or something to lead to me this obviously injured person. At this point, I had completely forgotten about the delivery and was pretty intent on helping whoever fucked up out here in the boonies. The chance of another car coming by all the way out here this late was slim to fucking none, so this was on me.

I followed the trail of blood on foot. Wanting to play the hero, I bundled up and set out in the storm with a small LED flashlight that made decent light. At this point, I wasn’t even thinking about my safety. I was concerned with whoever had injured themselves in that accident and getting them to safety. After about 5 minutes of walking a singular thought came through my mind: What if whatever this driver hit was still out there?

This seems way too dangerous a delivery for the kind of pay pizza boys get. I hope his boss gave him a pay-rise!

Judging by how big the impact on the car was, I can only guess that It was a grizzly bear or something unknown much larger. I decided my best bet was to get back to my car and get back to cell service and call 911. Not even after I had taken 10 steps back towards my car I heard what sounded like an entire tree being torn from the ground. The noise was absolutely deafening and threw me into a wild fucking panic. I started sprinting back to my car but kept getting slowed down by the fact my legs could not coordinate with each other. After sprinting about 5 steps I tripped face first into a snowbank and just laid there, trying to recollect myself and take a bearing. Just as I was about to get up again I heard it. I heard what sounded like heavy breathing coming from just out of visual range. To top it off, the noise was coming from towards the accident scene and my car. At this point, something felt terribly wrong. That labored breathing sounded more animal than human, and was far too loud for any human to make. Being scared shitless, I literally could not move out of that snowbank. After what seemed like an eternity, the breathing got louder.. and louder.. until suddenly I saw whatever was making that terrible noise. Whatever that thing was, it had to be standing minimum 8 feet tall. Yes, you are reading that correctly. It was fucking standing. It was running on two feet, but every couple of steps it would stumble and start running like a bear. On four legs, it had sort of a loping gait that reminded me almost exactly of a bear, but then it would get on two feet and start running like a human. It was also entirely covered in thick white fur, and would have been almost impossible spot had it not been covered in blood. Whether or not that was it’s blood or the driver of that cars, I never stuck around to find out. Whatever that thing was, was too distracted to see me, and sprinted right past me down the middle of the road, still breathing as heavy as ever. After what I thought was a solid 10 minutes, I forced myself out of the snowbank and sprinted back to my car. When I got back to my car, all four of my doors were wide open, and the pizza boxes were strewn all over the road. Not even thinking about the pizza or the delivery, I drove straight to the police station to report whatever had happened.
Officially, the police report states that the driver of that car collided with a large bear, and that the bear dragged him off into the woods and devoured him. They never found his body, but did find what appeared to be a portion of his spine almost 80km from where the accident site was.

I guess polar bears don’t just eat baby seals…they also love pizza! Pizza and human flesh and bits of spinal cord.

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Return of the Pizza Squirrel Video

pizza squirrel

Pizza squirrel in action

Oh SHi…..it’s back!

It was only a week ago that we reported on the groundbreaking news of the pizza squirrel. Now a new video has emerged from Michigan and it seems there is another pizza squirrel.

Just as leopards are able to use incredible strength to haul their prey up into a tree where they feast on the flesh, so too are squirrels adept in this regard. Having snatched its victim, the fearsome beast heaves the hefty slice up the tree where it can be devoured without interruption.

Just in case this groundbreaking footage gets censored by the powers that be I am sharing another version of the video below.

You can be sure they will do anything in their power to prevent the mass hysteria that will inevitably follow the public realisation of the evolutionary shift that has occurred among squirrels. The ravenous rodents are shunning acorns and nuts in favour of mankind’s staple source of nutrition. It’s only a matter of time before these advanced rodents and mankind must face the final showdown for the limited pizza resources our planet can sustain.

This pizza squirrel video is a document of the decline of mankind.

The only one who can save us is pizza rat.

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Pizza Squirrel

Remember pizza rat? A rat was filmed with a piece of pizza in New York and the world stopped turning so everyone could gawp at it.

pizza rat

dirty little pizza rat

 

Yeah pizza rat was a pretty big deal. No one ever thought they would get tired of him and yet…they did. But now the world has a new saviour. This is something completely different. It’s a squirrel with a piece of pizza.

The pizza loving rodent is set to be the next big thing and may even bring about world peace. Here’s the most revealing and intriguing photograph of the pizza squirrel.

pizza squirrel

Pizza squirrel in action

 

Pizza squirrel blew up first on Twitter —This lass Melissa saw the vermin in Chicago and tweeted a picture. Soon Fox news requested they could report on this breaking story but then other and better images of the tree climbing junk food lover. Soon the media was in a frenzy.

All this happened on Good Friday and over the Easter weekend it has not been the Resurrection of Christ that brought people together, but a small grey furry beast with an ill-gotten slice of cheesy goodness. Is this the second coming? Did God send his only son in the form of a squirrel that eats pizza? Probably not.